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Dave Evans
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@Fat Chance
San Jose, CA  USA Joined May 2004
Primarily a songwriter, I played guitar and sang in original local bands with names like Destiny, Streetwise, Windstorm. Of these, Windstorm had the most potential. Before imploding, we opened shows for a number of 70s and 80s luminaries. We have been known to make sneak attacks on the unwary into the 21st Century.
Brusin' for a Crusin' Aug 20, 2007
So we board the ship and go to our room on Deck 2. I am thinking that is near the top - because the top level has to be deck 1, right? No, Deck 1 is near sea level. Silly me. We leave the room with our eye on the buffet, which is on Deck 12, or 11 decks above where we are now. This being the first day, the elevators are packed. For some reason I not only think I am still 18 but also in incredible shape, so I tell the wife I will take the stairs and meet her on Deck 12. Yeah, right. Deck 2 to Deck, 3 no problem; practically running. Deck 4 feeling a little winded; now I'm walking. Around deck 5 or 6 I'm thinking, "Holy Christ, I'll catch the elevator." Still full and I don't see Debbie. Next Deck - hanging on to the rails. Wait for elevator again. People are looking at me somewhat alarmed. Not only am I breathing heavy, but I am sweating profusely. Am I going to pass out right there on the first day? Heart wants to come right out of my chest and someone is beating a bass drum in my ears. I am sure that anyone within 10 feet can hear my heart pounding. Elevator still full. Now I am crawling up the stairs. I think around Deck 9 Debbie gets off the elevator and I am looking for the paramedics. At this point we only have two decks left. I don't remember if we walked up the rest of the way or took the elevator. To add insult to injury - The last night of the cruise we walk up a flight of stairs to one of the nightclubs. Another couple tells us there is nothing happening there so we ride back down the elevator with them. The woman, who obviously had a bit too much to drink to know when to shut up says to me, "Are you breathing like that from just walking up the stairs. Time for you to get on the (insert exercise machine here). You can die from a coronary in your 40s." JUST walking up the stairs? JUST? The laugh's on her. I haven't been in my 40s for 3 years. Bitch. I don't see you taking the stairs, you drunken bimbo. And besides that, we ran up the stairs and did a set of jumping jacks before we started and push ups at the halfway point. Not only that but I ran up 11 decks the first day I was here. How many times have you done that? Of course I didn't say anything like that, but I didn't thank her for her concern about my health either. I think I just grunted, didn't have the breath to comment.